Cash Cleaner Simulator: we wanted to be Marty Byrde, we became a laundromat

We'll be honest about our initial expectations. We may have been watching Ozark a little too closely. We pictured ourselves behind a screen, orchestrating complex financial flows between shell companies in the Cayman Islands, laundering millions for shady clients while smoking a cigar and answering the phone in a low, unhurried voice. Corrupt banker. Criminal finance genius. Untouchable.

Cash Cleaner Simulator put us in our place. We're the dry cleaner.

Money laundering, taken literally

Mind Control Games had a simple, well-executed idea: what if "laundering money" actually meant... washing money? Dirty, crumpled bills stained with substances you'd rather not identify arrive on your workbench. Your mission: restore them for clients who don't ask questions, and to whom you don't ask any either.

The tools are those of a serious restoration workshop: washing machines, dryers, bill counters, UV lights to check authenticity, sorting equipment. You receive bundles in questionable condition, run them through the right equipment in the right order, sort the denominations into the correct boxes, and hand back something clean, dry, and impeccably organised.

It's methodical. It's precise. And against all odds, it's satisfying.

Why it works

Cash Cleaner Simulator's core loop is in the same family as PowerWash Simulator or Unpacking: a clear task, a visually unpleasant "before" state, a visually satisfying "after" state, and enough variety in the objects handled that repetition doesn't become a chore.

Bills aren't the only things passing through your hands. Various valuables arrive with more specific jobs, each with their own requirements. You build up skills, upgrade your equipment, decorate your base between sessions. The whole thing is coherent and well-paced.

There are also side activities you wouldn't expect to find here. Burning money, for instance. Playing Moneyball. Secrets to discover in the corners of your base. The game doesn't settle for its core loop alone, it surrounds it with small surprises that keep monotony at bay.

The laundering mechanics in detail

In practice: a client arrives with needs, you collect the goods in more or less catastrophic condition, you analyse what needs doing (UV for counterfeits, washing for soiled bills, drying, counting, sorting), you execute in the right order, and you make sure the creased bill doesn't end up in the wrong pile. All under a light pressure of throughput.

The sorting system is where the game demands the most attention. Every denomination has its value, every box its destination, and mixing up a fifty with a twenty in this particular context carries a certain existential weight. Your clients don't laugh at till errors.

What it actually feels like

Cash Cleaner Simulator is a relaxation game. Not passive relaxation, active relaxation: hands busy, mind lightly engaged, result visually rewarding. It's the kind of game you launch after a long day to do something without thinking too hard about it. The fact that this something is laundering money for shady characters adds a welcome layer of absurdity that keeps the whole thing from taking itself seriously.

The 91% positive reviews on Steam don't lie. The game does exactly what it says it does, does it well, and has enough content to justify multiple sessions.

The verdict

We didn't become Marty Byrde. We didn't orchestrate a criminal financial empire from a Missouri lake house. We washed questionable bills for questionable people in a tidy workshop, and we found it zen. Cash Cleaner Simulator is a solid relaxation simulator with an original concept and a tight loop. Leave the danger to the action guys. We're in the cleaning business.

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Review based on the PC version. Cash Cleaner Simulator is available on PC, PS5, and Xbox Series X/S.

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